shit or get off the pot
“I’m just like ‘bitch, how about you get off the pot so someone else can take a shit’.”
“I’m just like ‘bitch, how about you get off the pot so someone else can take a shit’.”
me: I’m going to steal your phone in the night and set the alarm for 4 in the morning.
Her: you do that, and I’ll get up and fart in your face and you’ll get pink eye.
“You can’t ride a horse and think its a zebra…wait, what?…no, You can’t ride a horse and expect to end up on a zebra.”
“that was stupid. I want my 104 minutes back.”
“They taught us the 4 ‘its’ of traveling abroad…don’t get bit, don’t get hit, don’t hit it, don’t eat shit”…”well, I’m not going to be motor-boating any shit.”
“Damn, I used to have so many bitches last year…I don’t know what happened! I think my pimp hand’s gone limp. My pimp hand has curdled like some milk.”
“I’m not depressed, I’m just hungry.”
“I try not to laugh in public. I always end up either drooling or getting a snot bubble…”
“I am far too mean to be bald. People would be like ‘Damn she’s mean …AND she’s bald.’”
“Anything that could potentially make me seem like a racist…you can leave that out”
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